Tuberz McGee and the Mildly Inappropriate Dinner Conversations with the Highly Probable In​-​laws

by Tuberz McGee

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about

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Released through the label Cheapbeats!

Buy the shirt and get a free copy of the album!

'Tuberz McGee and the Mildly Innapropriate Dinner Conversations with the Highly Probable In-laws' can be best described as an album of accidental circumstance. As a therapeutic means of easing the stress of writer's block Tuberz amalgamated, wordsmithed, birthed, stole, and invented thirteen songs with no goal of ever releasing them.

Things never did go the way Tuberz planned them.

Worlds collide. A rock band and a Nintendo Entertainment System? Is this an episode of Voltron or something!? Regardless of correlation to 90's cartoons the songs are here for your listening pleasure. Listen as tales are woven in front of you. Tales such as romantic altercations with werewolves, stalkers with a lack of understanding for the fine details, whiney teenagers who have been wronged in life (???) and many more!

credits

released January 27, 2017

Art by:
Jessica Karim: www.facebook.com/jesskarimart/
Suzi Karim: www.facebook.com/SuziKarimPhotography/
Joao Victor G. Costa: jinn.art.br

Mastering by:
Toni Leys: www.facebook.com/ToniLeys/

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all rights reserved

about

Tuberz McGee Brisbane, Australia

A Chiptune, Classical Repertoire and Video Game Composer and Performer.
Adequate explosions are necessary whilst listening to his works. Gotta do a backflip too.
It's all part of the immersion. Fact.

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Track Name: Better Than You
Your parents are divorced. You've not a cent towards your name,
You're living on the dole and you've got noone else to blame,
but all the lawyers and the doctors who did bleed your parents dry,
but they just do their job.

And those children down the road who live with violent abuse.
They try to find an answer but there's really no excuse,
for all the torment and the anger, and the hate, and all the stress,
but they never say a thing.

And on Wednesdays I go shopping with the money I don't need.
I purchase lots of video games and food so I can feed,
all of the pets that I don't have, and all the company I don't keep,
but it's the thought that counts.

I'm better off than you so,
that makes me better than you. Doesn't it?
I'm better off than you so,
that makes me better than you. Doesn't it?

You're lying in the hospital with bad, daytime TV.
Three more months to live that's what the doctor said to me.
And so you sit and watch your Ellen and your Oprah in your bed.
Good way to spend your time.

You're working hard at med-school, but your grades, well they are slipping.
Your wife is naggin' at you boy, so get your act together boy.
Pick yourself up off the ground and dust yourself off.
Whatever you say 'dear'.

I've gotta buy a new car to impress all of the neighbors,
but it's gotta match the satin silver tinge of this new pavement.
As the car begins to drive towards the airport parking lot.
I'm off to China, chumps.

I'm better off than you so,
that makes me better than you. Doesn't it?
I'm better off than you so,
that makes me better than you. Doesn't it?
Track Name: Melodramatic
You said that I said something bad about you,
But I just said that you looked a little heavy today.
In my own way it was a compliment.

You said that I really offended you,
But I say that you've really got it all quite upside down,
So why the frown, I'm pretty confident.

You say something new to me and I go run and hide.
The court may be in session but I've already been tried.
I may be melodramatic but I know that I don't lie.
Hyperbolic truths are all among which I comply.

You said that I am unapologetic,
But I say that I'm actually altruistic,
anyway, but that's okay, we all make mistakes.

You said that I really hurt your feelings,
But I didn't know that you had feelings,
anyway, and then you say, I am a hypocrite.

Think of all the time we spent together.
Think of all the time we shared.


You say something new to me and I go run and hide.
The court may be in session but I've already been tried.
I may be melodramatic but I know that I don't lie.
Hyperbolic truths are all among which I comply.
Track Name: Headfirst
Well eighteen years have passed and I still don't know a thing.
Now I gotta go and get a life.
To turn the page, to earn some wage with all these things I knew.
I'll take to taxmen with my newly sharpened knife.

Cause all my teachers they were right.
It's not as easy as all the famous films describe.
Now I am ready, for life to bring its worst.
I'll take it on headfirst.

And as the days go by the months turn into years.
Know that I'm running headfirst into all my fears.
And though through trials maybe someday I'll be strong.
I know this melody will somehow linger on.

They say these days they are the best ones of our lives.
I find that hard to believe and I admit,
That if life is just gonna get harder from here,
my life's gonna be a piece of shit.

Cause all my teachers they were right.
It's not as easy as all the famous films describe.
Now I am ready, for life to bring its worst.
I'll take it on headfirst.

And as the days go by the months turn into years.
Know that I'm running headfirst into all my fears.
And though through trials maybe someday I'll be strong.
I know this melody will somehow linger on.
Track Name: The One That Got Away
I remember when we met in late September.
I followed you for weeks and then it was early December.
You went away,
You fled the country, you sneaky devil you.

You're the one who got away,
and I don't say it out loud often,
cause the others might just flee the country too.
You're the one who got away,
and let me say I'm learning quickly.
I remembered to take their passports and their keys.

Over coffee you said let's exchange numbers,
But I already had yours, you found it quite peculiar.
You asked me why.
I had no answer so you thought it was a joke.

You're the one who got away,
and I don't say it out loud often,
cause the others might just flee the country too.
You're the one who got away,
and let me say I'm learning quickly.
I remembered to take their passports and their keys.

Women are strange to me,
I think they're quite deranged you see,
You said you felt unwanted,
but I wanted every bit.
I love your eyes.
They'd look so lovely on my bedside table.

You're the one who got away,
and I don't say it out loud often,
cause the others might just flee the country too.
You're the one who got away,
and let me say I'm learning quickly.
I remembered to take their passports and their keys.
You're the one who wouldn't stay,
but that's okay,
I've found a compromise.
I think I'll stalk your sister instead.
Track Name: More Than a Foxy Lady
I remember my first love like it was yesterday,
But that's a simile, it wasn't actually yesterday.
I remember how it felt when she first snapped my leg in two,
And how it felt to be connected with a ra-ging mon-ster.

Some men say they like it wild, but not enough to keep a smile up,
While she separates your scrotum from your body, my how rude!

And once in a blue moon is just too soon to deal with all this shit,
I'm gonna have to take karate lessons.

[Chorus]
I'm in love with a werewolf and it's not half bad,
Sure I have to dress in plated armor but it's charismatic.
I'm in love with a werewolf and she's in love with me,
Except for when she's trying to kill me.

And I was overjoyed when you said we were the same,
Except the fact that you were a raging werewolf.
And though we have our quirks and differences it's love,
But of course your quirk is that you're a raging werewolf.

[Chorus]
I'm in love with a werewolf and it's not half bad,
Sure I have to dress in plated armor but it's charismatic.
I'm in love with a werewolf and she's in love with me,
Except for when she's trying to kill me.

And I can't go having pizza,
When she has her friends over for dinner.
And she only likes gold jewelry,
She won't go having no damn silver.

You had my heart inside the palm of your hands,
I remember cause I woke up in hospital.
But I'll forgive and I'll forget,
It's like that time at the vet, when you accidentally ate all of the animals.

Poor Kitty
Poor Daisy
Poor Rover
Poor Me

[Chorus]
I'm in love with a werewolf and it's not half bad,
Sure I have to dress in plated armor but it's charismatic.
I'm in love with a werewolf and she's in love with me,
Except for when she's trying to kill me.
Track Name: Winter > Summer
Oh I wish it was winter, cause here in the southern hemisphere it is Summer.
And that’s no fun, for anyone.

Oh I wish it was winter, cause the boiling heats and the dryness are a bummer.
And it’s not fair, I cannot clear my mind.

I like winter cause I like to stay inside.
I hate summer, cause I feel as if I am deprived,
Of all the things that I do love about winter.
I wish this was a winter wonderland.

Oh, I wish it was winter, cause then I don’t need to drive down to the beach.
To feel the cold sweeping over me.
Oh, I wish it was winter, with a cup of cocoa and a gameboy in each hand.
I’m at home, so alone with me.

I like winter, cause I like to stay so far away from everyone who used to be too good for me.

And now I hear a sound and I think it's winter drawing near.
And I don’t really care about summer.
Track Name: One Life Left
Remember when we bumped into that guy,
He was three miles wider than us.
He shouted something 'bout spilling his drink,
and made quite a hell of a fuss.

One life left, so just live it.
Please don't get hit by a car.
One life left, yes you deserve it.
Doesn't matter who you are.
One life left, you're just a player,
in the middle of somebody's game.
One life left, best say a prayer,
cause life is the game's old ugly name.

He quickly removed every one of your teeth,
and they all lay down on the floor.
But when you woke up in the hospital,
You realised you were missing so much more.

His fists sailed like hammers right into your face.
And you hadn't a chance from the start.
He was three miles wider than us,
But hell, we were three times as smart.

One life left, so just live it.
Please don't get hit by a car.
One life left, yes you deserve it.
Doesn't matter who you are.
One life left, you're just a player,
in the middle of somebody's game.
One life left, best say a prayer,
cause life is the game's old ugly name.
Track Name: Bounty
You've got two heads on your shoulders,
one is black and one is white.
One likes to make some trouble,
The other just won't fight against it.

We're on a headhunt, and you've a bounty on your head.
We need you living cause you're worthless to us dead.

You've got some competition with a loaded gun.
You'd best be trying nothin' funny.
You've got yourself in trouble and you'd better run,
cause every hunter in town is gonna try and get some.
Cause every hunter in town is gonna try and get some.

You sleep with a revolver,
cause none of them will take you alive.
You're always on the run,
cause otherwise you won't survive.

We're on a headhunt, and you've a bounty on your head.
We need you living cause you're worthless to us dead.
We're on a headhunt, and there's no way you'll get away.
We'll drag you screaming to receive reward money.

You've got some competition with a loaded gun.
You'd best be trying nothin' funny.
You've got yourself in trouble and you'd better run,
cause every hunter in town is gonna try and get some.
Cause every hunter in town is gonna try and get some.

When we start shooting then you know that it's the end.
Noone out there will get paid.
We'll all get careless and we'll stab each other in the back.
We all wasted our time on this charade.

You've got some competition with a loaded gun.
You'd best be trying nothin' funny.
You've got yourself in trouble and you'd better run,
cause every hunter in town is gonna try and get some.
You've got some competition with a loaded gun.
And you know we're trigger happy.
You've got yourself in trouble and you'd better run,
I'm surprised these hunters didn't kill someone.
I'm surprised these hunters didn't kill someone.
Track Name: Blackjack
You said sorry,
You said didn't really think it would work.
Then you decided,
to go and make some move on a jerk.
You deserve every last bit of this you get.
Cause I know I won't regret this.

Ahhhhhhh.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh. [Cool harmonies tho]

You're the one who always dies in all the horror movies.
You're the one who likes to act like they're top shit.
You treat men like they're a hand inside a game of poker.
If this was blackjack you'd be taking all the hits,
and yet the dealer feels like shit.

He said maybe,
so you went around kissing his feet.
He had a girlfriend,
who you never had the pleasure to meet.
You deserve every pregnancy you get.
Cause I know I won't regret this.

Ahhhh.
Agghhhhhh.

You're the one who always dies in all the horror movies.
You're the one who likes to act like they're top shit.
You treat men like they're a hand inside a game of poker.
If this was blackjack you'd be taking all the hits,
and yet the dealer feels like shit.

And someday I know you'll get your just deserts,
and you'll be packing on the pounds.
You'll become a meal on wheels to everyone you know,
and they'll all eat you out of town.

Towwwwwnnnnn.

You're the one who always dies in all the horror movies.
You're the one who likes to act like they're top shit.
You treat men like they're a hand inside a game of poker.
If this was blackjack you'd be taking all the hits.
You're the girl who puts out all her chips on all the tables.
You're the one who loses every single cent.
You should've known that you're no good at playing games of poker,
and playing blackjack you're just dancing on cement,
at least the dealer can pay his rent.

Ahhhhhhh.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh. [Probably autistic screeching]
Track Name: How The World Works
Gimme a dollar, Gimme a sign,
To make me feel okay.
Loosen this collar around my design,
Cause the world won't let me get paid.

I got friends to my left, I got friends to my right,
But they don't give a shit about me.
They'd sooner die than give up the fight,
Until I agree that there's no guarantee.

You say I shouldn't charge money for a damn CD,
I may as well pay you all to listen to me,
Every single song may as well be free,
Cause that's how the world works.
That's how the world works.

Gotta buy stuff to fill my house,
So I'll fill it things for you.
A bed for you, a bed for your spouse,
and a bed for your children too.

Buying you things to watch your back
So you can say that you're watching mine.
You aint gonna be another uncle Jack
me out of everything I own and find.

So I think I'll take a trip to my local Sears,
And pick some stuff up that they'll think is theirs,
though I'm pretty damn certain that no-one cares,
But that's how the world works.
That's how the world works.

[Solo lmao]

Scratching your back with a golden fork
So you don't stab me with some lead.
And I can tell by the way you talk to me
That you just want me dead.

You want in the will, so you can kill me,
Now look at all the stuff you get.
Killing me off with a magic pill,
But they haven't killed me yet.

So I think I'll stab you forty seven times in the chest,
Because getting revenge is what I do best.
And I won't stop till you're laid to rest,
Cause that's how the world works.
That's how the world works.
That's how a knife works.
Track Name: My Lover
Where do I look, my lover?
Where do I see the stars?
Where do I see them drop down like snow?
Where, oh where do I go?

When will I hear them, my lover?
When will they whisper your song?
When will they whistle your melody?
When, oh when will it be?

How shall I find them, my lover?
How shall I travel this earth?
How shall I journey to where I must go?
How, oh how shall I know?

What must I look for?
What must I see?
What must you ask of,
Me?

Why can't I find you, my lover?
Why can't you heed my call?
Why can't I make heads or tails of your face?
Why, can't you be replaced?

What must I look for?
What must I see?
What must you ask of,
Me?
Track Name: Feminist Vampires
You're all up late at night.
You're probably all on Tumblr.
You're fighting for your rights,
and for the gay agenda.

Yeahhhhhhhh.
Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh.

You're all feminist vampires and you're trying to make your mark.
I often do feel followed when I walk home in the dark.
You're all feminist vampires and I'm surely quite offended,
by the nature of your privilege it surely must have ended.

Who are you?
Why should I give a shit?
What am I?
A fuckin' hypocrite.
What is this?
A shitty privilege.
Another useless word to deal with all the shit we're in.

Yeahhhhhhhhh.
YYeEAaaHHHHH.

You're all feminist vampires and you're trying to make your mark.
I often do feel followed when I walk home in the dark.
You're all feminist vampires and I'm surely quite offended,
by the nature of your privilege it surely must have ended.
Track Name: I Kill At Parties
|̢|͜ ̡͜-̶̡ - F̨̨͠ ͞͠I͘͝ ̷͘N͏͡ A͡ ̡͢Ļ͢͢ ̵_̵ S̢ ̶E̵̢ ͡Q̴̕͞ ҉Ù ͘͡҉E͘ ͝N ͡C̢ É͘ ͠_ ̵̢I͝ ͢N̡ I̡ ̸̵̧T͟ ̷͞I͞ ́A̕ ̵T̴̸͘ E ̧҉D̨̨ ̵͞͏-͠҉ ͡҉-̛͏̧ ͡|͘͘͡|

The gig is over.
We're headin' to the after-party that's held at your girlfriend's house.
Round the table,
spin the bottle feels so much like russian roulette.

And I'm the only one who isn't having any fun.

I kill at parties,
And noone else can wait to see my party trick,
But that's the trick.

I kill at parties,
ain't it strange?
That noone seems to care,
but here is where I keep all of my knives.
I kill at parties,
ain't it strange?
That everything turns sour,
when in an hour there are bodies on the roof.
I guess that's proof,
I kill at parties.

At the party,
we all listen to the shitty band with the shitty haircuts.
And in the bedroom,
I'm getting a lady all acquainted with my knives.

The party's just begun and I won't stop till it's all done.

I kill at parties,
and I hate to say for you it's sad but true,
cause next is you.

I kill at parties,
ain't it strange?
That noone seems to care,
but here is where I keep all of my knives.
I kill at parties,
ain't it strange?
That everything turns sour,
when in an hour there are bodies on the roof.
I guess that's proof,
I kill at parties.

I just keep hoping I get home tonight.
The party's fun but not for me.

I kill at parties,
ain't it strange?
That noone seems to care,
but here is where I keep all of my knives.
I kill at parties,
ain't it strange?
That everything turns sour,
when in an hour there are bodies on the roof.
I kill at parties,
ain't it strange?
That noone seems to care,
but here is where I keep all of my knives.
I kill at parties,
ain't it strange?
That everything turns sour,
when in an hour there are bodies on the roof.
I guess that's proof,
I kill at parties.